I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
