I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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