Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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