I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
