it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
