Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
