After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
