I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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