Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
