I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
