Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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