A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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