eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Watching her eat just hurts me
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
