We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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