I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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