Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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