i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Houston, we have a blender
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
