He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
