Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
