Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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