C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
