I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
