I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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