We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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