Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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