True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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