Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
