my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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