you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
