discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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