I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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