He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
