I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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