Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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