I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
