Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
pray to the hookup gods
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
