Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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