The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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