She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
