Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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