i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
