It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
