It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize