i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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