Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
