Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
