I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i barfeds in our rink
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
We smell like vodka and hangover
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