just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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