I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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