The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Brb crying the tears of my youth
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
