i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
