Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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