I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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