omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
