Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
