you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
