He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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