He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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