Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
