I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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