Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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