Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
