Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
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