Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
