The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
