my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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