Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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