last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
