I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
