The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
